do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
