my vag is so smooth its legendary
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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