I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
