Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
