Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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