our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
