Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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