everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
