I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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