I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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