i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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