You're my little dorito
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
