3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
