Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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