oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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