Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
