Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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