make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
