my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
