I've blown a few things in my day
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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