Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
