booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
