i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
