Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
