You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
