Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
