Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
