Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I lost the right to judge tonight
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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