Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
