its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
