She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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