With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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