next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
