So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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