this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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