dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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