I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
