I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
