Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
