John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
