I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
