omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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