i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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