I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
