everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
