He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
