Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
it's like heaven, but drunker
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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