he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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