Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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