whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
